Passion

My Monvee account has been on the fritz. I got an e-mail from the support people saying they were looking into an issue that I had reported and could not find my account. They told me I would have to re-create my account, complete the assessment again, etc. Annoying. Ironically, sometimes life’s inconveniences are exactly what we need.

I just started reading Uprising: A Revolution of the Soul by Erwin McManus as part of my new Monvee plan. I’m currently on page 9, and there have already been a lot of passages that have stuck out to me:

“What was really important became very clear to us, and it was the important things that really mattered. It was such a great trip, so much fun, the kind of adventure you live for. You know, the kind of experience you avoid at all costs, but when it’s unavoidable, it changes you when you’ve made it through.”

I think what made this stick out to me so much is all that happened this summer in terms of losing my best friend for unknown reasons. I can’t say that it’s been an enjoyable experience, but it has been a good experience. I still have questions that have gone unanswered and probably always will, but I’ve come to terms with that. What has been the most amazing about this experience is not that it didn’t destroy me but that I’ve flourished because of it. Yes, it was difficult, but it’s amazing how much more good came out of it than bad. I’ve grown immensely as a person and in my relationship with God over the last few months, and for that, I wouldn’t trade anything.

“In Romans 7:5 Paul writes, “For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death.” Paul is just stating the obvious. We do what we do because we love it. We desire it. When we sin, it is for no more profound reason than we enjoy it. Of course there is also the added dynamic that the very nature of those things that are counted as sin have a corrosive, corrupting, and addictive nature to them. That’s why they’re called sins. Their very essence will destroy you and most likely damage or hurt those closest to you. Nevertheless, the fuel of these destructive patterns is passion, and the process of transformation requires a revolution of your passions.”

I was actually just thinking about this yesterday. (I think God was setting me up.) My passions need to be revolutionized; I tend to settle for far less than what God has designed me for. Instead of spending time with Him and letting Him fulfill me and fuel my passion for Him, I tend to settle for watching TV, working on stuff for school, or doing some arts & crafts stuff. While none of those things are inherently bad, they often replace the time I should be spending with God.

One of the other things I chose for my Monvee plan was practicing solitude. There is a list of questions that the program gives you and one of them is “What troubles you or makes you uncomfortable about being alone?” When I first read this, I thought someone was spying on me. And then I realized that maybe I’m not so weird when it comes to the things that I struggle with. Why do we struggle with being in solitude so much? What is it about being alone with God that makes us anxious? That’s a whole other blog post, but I think it has something to do with mud pies:

“Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition [insert the internet, smartphones and sports here] when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” – C.S. Lewis

I can’t wait to hang out with C.S. Lewis in Heaven. It’ll probably be pretty legit.

“The goal of the Christian journey cannot be the elimination of desire and passion since the Scriptures teach that God created us in His image and likeness, and a part of this reflection of God is a heart designed for passionate living. It has never been God’s intention to move us toward apathetic living. He desires that we live passionate lives in Him. Rather than eliminate our passions, He intends to overwhelm them with new passions. The furnace of our passions is our character, and while evil character burns hot for destructive passions that consume and destroy, the character of God ignites passion for what is good and true. Our quest is to have God’s character formed in us so that His passions might burn in us.”

This is what I’m striving for–to find my passion in godly things. I feel like I’ve been on the brink of joyful, passionate living on and off over the past couple of weeks. The days when it’s “on” are so wonderful; I feel so alive, and God’s presence is so apparent. However, I don’t always have the energy to be “on,” and it’s in these times that I need to learn to draw my energy from God so that I can continue to be passionate and shine His light for other people to see.

Lord, I pray that you will renew my passion for You and Your Kingdom. Please help me to look past the things of this world that are merely temporary entertainment and invest in things that matter. God, You obviously know I can’t do it by myself because I fail miserably every time I try. This is something that only You can change in me, and I pray that you’ll help me to not act like such an “ignorant child” even though apart from you, that’s what I am. Thank you for my life, God. Now please help me to really live. I love you.